So what to use for a story
In fright gaslit tech-today?
Whilst automated gazettes of cant
Strive to flash induce such seedy
Feed-fuelled falsehood frenzies?
Time to trip through the tribal tales:
Do you remember our guy Arthur?
Rocking that ancient concept –
Poetry to entertain you –
That tatty old matter clatters back
Onto the reboot track. Again.
Deploying all the poet-teqh,
Revoking all your lie-sense,
Let’s rap along the old country songs:
Tell yet another true tale of Arthur.
Enough guff introduction — off we go!
Lie-heights! CAMRA! Action!
Scene-set initiation:
Kick off with an abduction!
Sir Thomas Malory of Newbold Revel –
recurring errored knight, hard dastard –
closed, completed the tale compelled to tell.
Trapped in reflective prison hereafter,
haunted by wholesale slaughter seen;
wished she could sit as an English Queen
while he told his story to her.
Dreaded hard hours before dawn;
jaw-splitter, eye-closer yawn –
blinding red-white flash inducement –
reopened in another world quite different.
Hooded figures round a table,
Like some flailing, awful fable:
Not one of them seemed stable.
A wall composed of cryptic symbols, fire
guttered grate, canine form relaxed in front.
Could make out a couple of mad monks, a
figure rising; a very angry Merlin:
‘Now it’s time to take my notes, Sir Thomas!’
Another figure brushed Merlin past,
eager grabbed right hand in a tight clasp:
‘Sir, it’s an honour for you to join us!’
While his hand was being pumped,
new realities were mind-dumped,
sudden new thoughts, fact thinking:
That’s a cigarette he’s smoking…
Brain bumped, unbalanced, legs buckled;
Second Hood slid sideways, chuckled.
Amazement supplanted any fear,
felt himself helped into a chair.
First Hoodie guilelessly grinned:
‘Mind, Myrddin is massive miffed
‘cos you cut out Dinas Emrys.’
Arm patted reassurance:
‘Don’t worry now, get all tense;
see what he’s planned for Clemens.’
Malory was the last there was to gather:
If you expect a job done proper,
you put an expert team together:
I looked over from the Kanban view;
we’d an awful lot to get through and
wasn’t happy with FIRST VOICE’s attitude:
‘Was this more not like a rescue?
Why not do us all a favour, mate;
we did spring the guy from Newgate.’
Tasty geezers who’re awful bold
tend after use to get black-holed.
‘Sorry about the mental scrambling,
That’s just the post post-modern mounting;
Didn’t want you all thee, thou and thyssing.’
Hadn’t a clue what age this was, required
some gasbags to come generate a genre:
‘Sir Thomas, you’re most welcome here –
someone please get the man a beer –
we’ll need to use your unique skills…’
Malory; dilapidated, old and ill.
‘…once your head is sorted.’
Myrddin Emrys snorted, unimpressed:
‘I want this version done as the best!
You lot need this time to keep it tight:
Maybe get my origin story right!’
Fireside, special effects kicked off
gruesome gristle bone grinding pops,
shape shifted into human type;
retained creature head for forms sake.
Problematic mad dog to see:
‘Are you Coyote-’
‘Yes, that’s me.
‘X-cremental origin redos
rarely fade from fashion so
I’m here to lend a hinder hand,
help have hardcore revision.
‘Your uniform rainbows and unicorns sense
of history; complete crawsticker to me.
Quit it with great captains questing,
loyal Llachau around a table…
Please not Lleogh, his Dad’s flashing
sword; believe I’ve over heard it.
How about a happy heroic tale of a guy
who goes annihilates Anglo-Saxons?
‘Well, that’s my opening speech all done:
now I’m gonna get a good cold one.’
‘Do leave it out, Coyote, don’t
get all looney tunes about it.
If you want be Asser-nine,
I’ll start it with C-word time.
Can you please put some trousers on?
No-one needs to see that schlong.’
Emrys started fist shaking:
‘You promised no interfering!
What do you think your doing?’
‘Says there’s tales require retelling,
so I’ll bung them in the backlog.’
Bearded elfin face of Third Hoody
joined Coyote at table of food:
‘I’m with the very clear vernacular view
that this is basically all total bollocks.’
Coyote magicked on some joggers.
Welcoming wink toward Sir Thomas:
‘Because I’ve seen your rap sheet, dude,
feel like I kinda like you. Merle,
if this is your origin story, buddy,
shouldn’t you be in it?’
Coyote clicked a finger;
Emrys rapid vanished.
‘So how we gonna do this?’
I stared thoughtfully at the fire;
fire stared thoughtfully back at me.
With all the smoke and flatulence in here
we really needed to crack a window.
Downed beer, took a sip of water:
‘Brought down the arcane archive box
to bake in the fake authentic;
more in style of screaming to shift
some symbols of oppression.
‘It will be all right without the k-nights;
equite-ably awful hoary horsers
hacking early medieval monsters.
‘Where words are weird or indistinct
I’m sure SideBarGuy* will fill us in. [Sure thing!]
Also – place names and translations. [Er, OK]
‘Plus, I’ve procured for us that
modern magic ingredient that
guarantees a groovy reboot hit:
It’s a great big bag of gr-
…wait.
This isn’t what I wanted to get –
this is Three-Quarter Aggregate!’
Coyote sighed, rolled yellow eyes:
‘Well it’ll have to do, although,
what the hell is this we’re doing?’
‘I’ll tell you all about it later.
Let’s get this sausage fest on a roll,
got a whole lot that needs retold.
Now it’s over to you, Narrator.’
Oh, we’re finally through the _______ framing, are we? [Flipping?]
Talent of my magnificence…
Been waiting here for so long I really
got to get my mellifluousness back on.
Ahem.
*Throat clearing coughs*
(Get on with it, Narrator)
You can bite me bardi-bach:
You cannot rush this talent…
(Narrator…
‘I like this guy.’
You can hush now, Coyote.)
Right, then.
Everyone got a drink? Eh?
Snacks to hand? Keep it down.
Right. Has everybody had a pee?
Now, If you’re all sitting comfortably...
{Front of house staff, weapons free.}
OK,
Right, then…
Here we go!Bright sublime filled starfield,
driving down gravity’s disk.
Outer planets parade fast past;
orbital sling, ring-skim of Saturn;
Jovian giant’s moon gaggle gasper –
amazed we smashed an asteroid, un-
usual – normally never happens.
Faded Martian amaranth rays
loom to Moon’s dark side desolate
lunar landscape: the Earth rises.
Multicoloured life-form teemer,
our only island home. Focus
just ahead of creeping night line
towards some bits of boggy rock
struck off in the North Atlantic.
Atmosphere burn, decelerate onto
archipelago’s central alpine region.
Road cutting through the wild wood
from fertile coastal farmlands.
Figure road bound, running fast,
cook-fires of Caer Segont [Caernarfon]
smudging sky behind him.
Satchel slung, luscious long curly hair,
all gleaming gorgeous in the gloaming.
Magic made tragic organic;
old-school free-range hero.
Mynydd Eryri on left side rising,
emerges into eternal upland
tapestry of green and grey and gold.
Destination: the ancient fortress
known as Dinas Ffaraon Dandde.
Two ravens posed, on rock rode,
big old glacial boulder. Cawed:
‘Cai! — Cai! — Cai!
We seek wisdom!
We seek knowledge!
Cai! — Cai! — Cai!
Meld your memories with us!
Give information to us!
Cai! — Cai! — Cai!
We summon you to congress!
We request arrival at our rock!’
Cai – oblivious – carried on his rapid steps.
Cynical Third Raven circled overhead:
‘Lads, I really don’t think he can hear you!’
‘Mate, we’ve issued mystic summons!’
‘Well, mystic doesn’t seem be working!
Flap over, see if I can stop him.’
Third Raven slam dove onto road,
prompt raised both wings to block:
‘Caius you cloth eared twazzock!’
‘Whoah! Avian friend, hold on now!
Just saying ‘No’ to Roman nomen’s
now the current trend in reason.’
‘My flock colleagues would like to chatter
about the latest word that’s on the strata.
Myself – I just fancy a little flutter.’
Other Ravens arrived, road settled,
before Cai complete conspiracy formed:
‘We seek information from you.
Open your mind to us; perhaps
a wee peek at those dispatches?’
Cai’s youthful face turned hardened:
‘I’m afraid that’s not going to happen.
I’ve a schedule and secrets to keep.
I’m not letting you lot sneak a peep.’
‘We’re on our mystic mission!’
‘Then give me one good reason.’
‘Is our assignment to be brought to nought?
Please, clever Cai, share your thoughts!’
‘My thought is that of false delay.
Excuse me, I’ll be on my way.’
‘Isn’t our perfect plumage worth a shout?
See sleekly fleekly iridescence?
Ravens don’t look this good without
prime fine dining on putrescence!
Are our good times in the past?
Grant us our glutting forecast!’
Cai’d had a trying, testing summer;
mood slammed straight to simmer:
‘Vile bleak beaked carrion corvids!
Invidious, vicious, questions!’
‘Ravens partake impartial views,
circling high above human feuds;
who cares for opinions of their food?
What we require is the latest news!’
Cai snapped; road spat gob of phlegm,
flipped finger bird towards them,
quick leapt over, sprinted away:
‘I bid you crows zero good day!’
Third Raven preened, seemed smug-glad:
‘Sledgie-subtle as usual, lads.
Fledgies wouldn’t fail as bad.’
‘Why did you then join in our chorus?’
‘You think I’m here to help you morons?
‘Wouldn’t the intel that you’re seeking
be gleaned spying on their meeting?’
‘From one happy to call us losers it’s
an interesting perspective – but
these dragons just have no respect
for all other air space users!’
‘You guys really got no gumption…’
‘We’ll rely upon assumptions!
‘Time has come for our roosting, to
take wing for our reporting function.’
‘I’m gonna tag along, want
to hear your arse cover song.’
Ravens flap ascended, flock rose as one,
tight formation turned into setting sun.
Team screech tripped portal into world unseen;
wing tips twirled towards the great World Tree.
*To enable SideBarGuy it’s either service sbg enable, Set-Service SideBarGuy, launchctl load -w sbg, etc, depending on your underlying poeOSy. I always like to modify rc.conf and Be Sure Dammit.