Agricola was particular
proceeding toward the polar;
special length legateship:
slap new province into order.
South secured, base primed,
advanced steady into the North.
New supporting fleets flanked,
logistics bases laid right out;
maintained ruthless Roman method;
try to force the natives to fight
one last great conclusive battle;
but pesky natives kept retreating
into ample marsh and forest.
Finally, Mons Graupius was joined,
recorded outnumbered Roman forces.
Auxiliaries committed main fight,
legions held, hovered in reserve.
Battle joined, native retreat,
Romans rapid formed pursuit.
As Tacitus tells, only Agricola
being on top of it prevented
very serious type reversal.
Where’d they all retreated? Great Green
splodge Ptolemy put upon his map:
Caledonia Silva, Cat Cuit Caledon –
the Great Caledonian Forest.
Oh, Taiga, Taiga, impossible to light
mitigates a Roman legion’s might.
It allows tactical asymmetry
against the heavy infantry.
Let seaborne foreigners fight the forest;
Let them Battle the Trees;
Let hard Pine win it’s chair…
Agricola used auxiliary cavalry
to skirmish line the forest.
After subsequent slaughter
silence returned; warriors as trees;
Ash, Oak and Elm, amongst whom,
a bear formed leader lurked…
Ash turned to Elm and said:
‘Were those lads Sarmatian?’
Exploratores reported back:
every settlement abandoned,
no population left to conquer;
landscape totally transformed to
an empty smoky wasteland.
So did a twenty thousand army
promptly vanish into thin air?
No, they knew; silent beckoned forest;
they’d left a trunk carved message:
‘You should come and have a go
if you think your hard enough.
Come have a pop, Golden Rod.’
Agricola’d gleaned lessons learned
a Roman Tutor bergFore est-ablished.
Could commit reserve legions;
could cause another disaster;
declined to make Domitian have
imperial headbanger moment.
Agricola declared victory, turned to
intimidatory mosey Southward.
Didn’t get a full triumph granted
because it simply wasn’t; stalemates
don’t cut it; slunk back in the night.
All Roman progress stalled at this point,
Island became one massive tenth
of the army camp. Rain forest terrain –
unsurmountable strategic problem.
Hadrian energetically dashed in:
‘Seal it! We’ll build a massive wall!’
Eternal Roman siege system:
scratch engineer sound solutions.
Antoninus Pius, new guy dick swing,
built another wall a little further.
As for Septimius Severus: –
well, that’s another story…
Unstable armed camp province
never fully imperial absorbed;
produced no Roman notables –
only heretics and usurpers.
So just south of Hadrian’s call
wool wrapped Tudful patient stood.